Fools Rush In
Act I
Scene I
Student A (who has been bald since anyone remembers): Sirrr Sirrr, what is Freedom of Speech Sirrr?
Teacher: Freedom of Speech is your fundamental right bachha, to speak whatever is on your mind.
Student B: But Sirrr, that sounds a little risky to us, Sirrr.
Teacher: How is it risky beta?
Student B: For instance, if I say that A always steals my tiffin, he will probably whack my face black and blue.
Teacher: But why will he do that?
Student B: Because he’s stronger, Sirrr.
Teacher: But that doesn’t give him any right to beat you up, bhak… errrm… I mean beta. If he does that then bring him to me and I will give him adequate punishment.
Student A: Great Sirrr, that means C who is stronger than me can’t steal my tiffin either because then you will give him punishment too. Right Sirrr?
Teacher: Absolutely right, mera bachha!
Student K (who’s sitting in one of the back rows, raising his hand): But there’s a small confusion, sir.
Teacher (looking surprised): How come this guy doesn’t call me like the others? Who is he?
Student A: He’s the class rebel Sirrr, the idiot also goes around the school saying that he THINKS.
(The whole class erupts in laughter.)
Teacher (also laughing, asks): What’s your confusion?
Student K: My confusion is what if I catch YOU stealing tiffin from any of us, sir?
(Laughter fades instantly, class becomes as silent as a theater screening Ramu Ki Aag)
Teacher (visibly enraged with eyes so red that no Red-eye Remover tool could fix them): How dare you? Have you been reading too many books? That’s where these anti-guru ideas generally come from.
Student K: But isn’t it a reasonable concern, sir? You punish A, B, C, D, everybody. Who punishes you, sir?
(Rest of the class loses its cool.)
Student A: Sirrr, leave him to us. We will beat the hell out of this anti-guru until he says “Mere Sirrrjee Ki Jai”.
Student B: I will take him to a debate with the seniors during lunch break Sirrr, where they all can thrash him as much as they want with their words and I will shout so loudly every time he tries to speak that his voice won’t even be heard.
Student C: I am telling you Sirrr, let’s just send him to the neighboring school which is full of these anti-gurus.
Teacher (thinks for a minute and then declares): No! Instead book this culprit under the Law of Sedimentation so that he learns a lesson of a lifetime.
Student D: But what is the Law of Sedimentation, Sirrr?
Teacher (finally smiles again): The Law of Sedimentation, my bachhalog, is by which I shall drown this traitor’s annual results so deep inside the sea of irrationalism that it will accumulate dirt and muck for ages until nobody remembers his name anymore.
The class finally seems satisfied with the conclusion and starts to calm down.
The monitor comes and takes Student K away towards the Principal’s chamber where he will be kept in detention after school hours.
A, B, C and D get busy in comparing the lengths of their khakee shorts, which is part of the school uniform.
The teacher goes back to tearing pages from the History text book which he doesn’t want the class to know about before he begins teaching again after this little break.
(As Student K is being take away the audience can see him smiling, when he turns towards the class and winks at another boy sitting in a corner—Student U.
As every member in the audience turn their heads to see what that meant, to everyone’s astonishment Student U raises his hand.)
